How to get your internet back up

Oh no! You have no internet! We will show you how to fix it with 3 different methods!

Step 1

A: Call your ISP Support Number and get routed to India Support, because they are the worst.
B: Call your ISP's American support number.
C: Curl up in a ball on the ground.
BONUS: Turn off the modem and wait 10 seconds. Wait 5 minutes. If it doesn't work just keep upping the time the modem is off. Here is a chart for the times.: 10 seconds for the first time, 30 for the next, 1 minute, 2 minutes. If you are about to go past 2 minutes with the modem off, proceed to method A, B, or C.

Step 2

A: Be on hold for a hour and get a fucking retarded operator who you end up getting fired because they always say "It's your router/modem" even when it's not, like if it originally was and they sent a new one of both. Then get routed to American Support because you demanded it because America Support knows what they are doing. Even if you are a different country most likely.
B: Get told the problem, you will be asked if you did basic troubleshooting, if not, he/she will walk you through.
C: Die.

Step 3

A: Get told the problem, you will be asked if you did basic troubleshooting, if not, he/she will walk you through.
B: If they can get a immediate fix, they will do it. If not, they will tell you if it's not up by X to call back.

Step 4

A: If they can get a immediate fix, they will do it. If not, they will tell you if it's not up by X to call back.
B: If it doesn't come back by X then call back. X is a placeholder for what they will tell you.

Step 5

A: If it doesn't come back by X then call back. X is a placeholder for what they will tell you.
Congradulations! You have gotten your internet back up!
What's that 5% of you reading this? You have sattelite? Sattelite is WORSE than Tower. Because with things like Verizon you don't have a monthly limit.
This was based on expierience with Verizon Support. This may not be accurate for other providers. Batteries not included.